The WHAP Wrap: This Week’s Winners and Losers

It’s Sunday, the day for God and football. (Expect some Hail Maries.) But today is also home to The WHAP Wrap, a roundup of the best and worst from the last seven days. Check out this week’s cheers and jeers below.

THE WINNERS

(3) Hannah Montana. Despite opening in less than 700 theatres, Miley Cyrus rocked the box office this weekend — raking in $29 mill for her 3-D concert movie. That’s the biggest debut for Super Bowl weekend in history, and a good old fuck-you to second place finisher The Eye ($13 mill). Disney had originally planned to release the film for just one weekend, but now will let it “run its course.”

(2) Furry rodents. Yesterday, more than six thousand Americans flocked to Pennsylvania to see Punxsutawney Phil — the infamous groundhog who looks for his shadow each February 2nd. This year, he saw it. For us, that means six more weeks of winter weather; for Phil, it means six more weeks of utter confusion as to why he’s fondled by men in top hats once every year. Then, earlier tonight, GoDaddy.com alluded to its “Too Hot For TV” commercial that FOX wouldn’t allow to air during the Super Bowl. In it, the paparazzi takes photos of numerous women exiting cars, each one holding a furry creature. After that, Danica Patrick leaves a vehicle empty-handed, prompting one paparazzo to ask, “Where’s your beaver?” Oh, GoDaddy.com. Whatever the hell it is you do, please keep doing it.

(1) The New York Giants. Somehow, the lowest seed ever to play in the Super Bowl held the highest-scoring team in history to 14 points. And somehow, the New York Giants beat the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. What does this mean? For one, nobody has to rewrite the “best team ever” paragraph in the history books. And for two, Eli Manning might start to appear in ads without his big brother. (Speaking of ads, this year’s best line came from — who else? — Will Ferrell: “Bud Light…suck one.”)

THE LOSERS

(3) Eva Longoria. Nothing says “go back to TV” quite like an eleventh place opening at the box office. Over Her Dead Body, the first star feature for Eva Longoria, bombed this weekend — taking in just $4.6 million in total revenue. Evidently, Eva’s bizarre publicity blitz did nothing to help ticket sales; she spent last week talking about her potential music career, her voracious sex life and her belief in ghosts. Maybe all those empty theatre seats were just filled with spirits.

(2) In Treatment. This new HBO series — which follows therapy sessions for five fictional patients — had a remarkably ambitious week, airing new episodes on each weeknight. More ambitious, however, is HBO’s plan to air new episodes for nine weeks straight. (That’s 45 total hours.) Critics love the show, but it just couldn’t find an audience this week — averaging below half a million viewers a night. Turns out viewers would rather watch people who need therapy (read: reality television) than those who’ve already checked in.

(1) Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani, forever the Republican frontrunner in 2007, dropped out of the presidential race this week. He spent the entire primary season in Florida but placed third in the sunshine state vote, earning less than half the support of winner John McCain. The Republican race thus becomes the only thing he’s left outside of his first two wives.

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