The WHAP Wrap: This Week’s Winners and Losers

It’s Sunday, the day for God and football. (Expect some Hail Maries.) But today is also home to the WHAP Wrap, a roundup of the best and worst from the last seven days. Check out this week’s cheers and jeers below.

THE WINNERS

(3) The WGA. It’s been awhile, but the Writer’s Guild of America reached a tentative deal with studio execs this weekend — meaning that we’ll see the Oscars and the return of television staples like The Office and Grey’s Anatomy soon. Writers will most likely return to work Wednesday, just in time for…The Moment of Truth? Come on.

(2) The Great American gameshow contestant. Three years in, the producers of Deal or No Deal are asking somewhat of a desperate question: who wants to be a millionaire? No, seriously…who? Because no one’s been able to win the million-dollar prize in almost 150 shows, Deal decided this week to put the $1 mill value in 11 of its 26 cases — giving players a 42% chance of hitting gold on their first pick. Combine that with easier and easier game shows — The Moment of Truth, 5th Grader, 1 vs. 100, and so on — and you’ve got a great time to be a contestant.

(1) Amy Winehouse. They tried to make her go to rehab, but she said, “No, no, no.” Then, evidently, she wound up saying “okay” — and all for the better. At tonight’s Grammys, Amy Winehouse took home 5 awards out of 6 nominations, including Record and Song of the Year for “Rehab.” She also performed her two biggest hits without a hitch, all the while looking rather composed and aware for a Winehouse. She was even graceful during her acceptance speech, thanking all the right people and making reference to her “Blake incarcerated.” How will she celebrate? Hopefully not at all.

THE LOSERS

(3) Mitt Romney. Back in February of 2007, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney entered the Republican race for the presidency. At the time, he wasn’t the frontrunner. He wasn’t well-known. Even as a Mormon, he wasn’t the candidate who’d had the most wives. (That title went to Rudy Giuliani.) But this week, the GOP’s most conservative contender took his name off the ballot — leaving a two-man race in his wake. What, might you ask, could make Romney’s surrender more embarrassing? He spent $35 million out of his own pocket to finance his campaign. I guess that would make him this week’s biggest loser to come out of Massachusetts…but wait!

(2) The New England Patriots. Technically, these would-be history makers lost the Super Bowl last week. But this week, the team’s two biggest stars pulled out of the Pro Bowl because of “ankle injuries” (read: complete and total humiliation). That’s right: Tom Brady and Randy Moss sat out the NFL’s all star game, meaning that the all-time TD passing leader and the all-time TD receiving leader played no part in today’s Pro Bowl.

(1) Untalented famous people. It’s never a bad time to call Paris Hilton a loser, but it just feels so much better when it’s legitimated. This week, Paris’ latest feature film — called The Hottie and the Nottie — took a thrashing in the press, trashed by one critic as a “lobotomized carcass of a movie.” Then it placed 46th in the box office, taking home an abysmal $25,000 over the weekend. (For comparison: Fool’s Gold made $22 mill.) Going by the numbers, then, moviegoers would rather see Paris killed or defiled than alive and well on the screen.

Then, to make this week a double-whammy for untalented famous people, Hills star Heidi Montag released her debut single and video, called “Higher.” The track was similarly bashed in the press and as a result couldn’t be any lower on the pop charts. Hollywood’s golden rule stands: if you can’t be the best, be the absolute worst.

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