Wednesday’s Top Ten

—Happy birthday to Rihanna, who turns 20 today and celebrates her golden birthday. She was perhaps the breakout music star of 2007, racking up huge record sales due to hits like “Umbrella,” “Shut Up And Drive” and “Hate That I Love You.” And at last week’s Grammies, she won her first golden record and turned out a funky mash-up of her biggest hit with The Time. Tonight she’ll perform it again at the Brit Awards with the Klaxons.

—So last night was the first American Idol out of Hollywood, and the top twelve guys took the stage to sing the songs of the ’60s. For the group Simon is pushing as the “best ever,” we endured some god awful performances — among them the pitiful Elvis impersonation from Danny “Is-that-the-same-Danny-from-Tila-Tequila?” Noriega. (Video here.)

—I know what can save the industry: Kidz Bop 13! The latest installment to the Kidz Bop franchise features children shouting along to hits like “Party Like A Rockstar,” “1234” and even “Beautiful Girls” (choice lyric: They say we’re too young/To get ourselves sprung.)

—In other music news, devoted Michael Jackson fans bought 166,000 copies of the 25th anniversary edition of Thriller. Jackson plans to spend all the money on copies of Kidz Bop 13.

—Get excited…tonight marks the last total lunar eclipse until 2010. To put things in perspective, Jack Horkheimer — host of PBS’s Star Gazer — calls it the “lord of the rings and heart of the lion eclipse.” Translation: this kind of thing is even more rare than him getting laid.

Kirstie Alley has lost her deal with Jenny Craig because she is reportedly too fat. She plans to start her own weight loss regime in the near future.

—Tonight, the U.S. military might shoot down an “errant spy satellite” that is careening towards Earth as we speak. Official reports say the military thought it eliminated the satellite yesterday, but the giant, out-of-control mass they were shooting at turned out to be Kirstie Alley.

—Some dude named Paul Mawhinney is currently trying to auction off the “greatest music collection in history” — more than 3 million records and 300,000 CDs that add up to nearly 6 million songs. The current asking price is $3 million, which would finally finance Paul’s move out of his mother’s basement.

—Rumors are spreading (among other things) about Paris Hilton‘s new lesbian sex tape (The Hottie and the Hottie, anyone?). This is perhaps the most excited I’ve ever been about sex tapes.

—Rumors are confirmed, meanwhile, about KISS frontman Gene Simmon‘s new sex tape. This is definitely the least excited I’ve ever been about sex tapes.


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