Monday’s Top Ten

—Happy birthday to Kurt Russell, who turns 57 today. The actor and father of Kate Hudson may be best known for his action roles in the Escape movies, but he came back last year with a vengeance as a murderous stuntman in Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof.

—Happy St. Patrick’s Day — that is, unless you’re in Ireland, where political leaders have called for alcohol restraint throughout the day. Ninety percent of Ireland’s population, already hammered by noon, was unaware today was a holiday.

Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer’s now infamous call girl, stands to make up to $5 million in various endorsement deals and movie (?) contracts resulting from the affair. Talk about going down to go up.

—In other rich-by-association news, Heather Mills — ex-fiancee of Paul McCartney — took $48.6 million from Sir Paul in their ongoing divorce settlement. But hey, Paul’s still got American Idol‘s Beatles Week Part 2 to cheer him up!

—In movies, Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who! took in just over $45 million in its first weekend, finally answering that age-old question: it is more profitable to divorce Paul McCartney than to make an animated movie.

Elton John has announced that he will play Radio City Music Hall on April 9th to raise money for politician Hillary Clinton. The concert will be called “Elton and Hillary: One Night Only” — also the name of the sex tape to be sold at the event.

—Speaking of sex tapes, Paris Hilton has landed a reality show — MTV’s My New BFF, in which contestants will compete to become Hilton’s best friend. My money’s on the Taco Bell chihuahua.

Steve-O of Jackass has checked into a psychiatric ward and has written a lengthy note apologizing for his drug use that “did damage to my brain.” Also doing damage to his brain: this. And this. And maybe even this.

—In sports, the NCAA March Madness bracket is up, marking the one annual opportunity when entering a pool with your coworkers is entirely acceptable — unless you’re on The Real World, of course. This year’s top seeds are UNC, Kansas, Memphis and UCLA.

—And in other March Madness news, ABC’s Dancing with the Stars returns this week — boasting “big” names like Steven Guttenberg and Adam Carolla. For a better time, however, check out Lifetime’s oft-incestuous Your Momma Don’t Dance.

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